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choices? then a breakthrough in men's vitality. >> what vagina substitutes we will be throwing footballs through next and my guest is country music legend kenny rogers, i will ask him if those islands in the stream make good tax shelters. and pornographers were caught filming in the cornell university library. clearly, they could not get into the hear extraordinary library. this is the colbert report. captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause )
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( cheers and applause ) >> colbert: welcome. that is incredible. ladies and gentlemen, thank you. good to have you with us. boy, i can feel the electricity. i can feel the electricity. ladies and gentlemen, in here, out there, across america, you know why people are excited because it is a huge night. the first presidential debate just happened in denver. now, i haven't seen it yet so don't tell me what happens. if anything happens. jim. >> the buying question is do these debates really matter? >> i actually think that is the american people see the first two candidates and really start
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to make their mind up. >> if the debates happen really late in the cycle and by this time most americans have made up their mind. >> i think the debates don't matter much. >> they matter and they have matter add great deal, some years a they have not mattered t all. >> colbert: so, we pundits don't know whether debates matter but we do know whether debate over whether debates matter, matter. >> bottom line, bottom line, these meaningless, useless debates are crucial. especially for the romney campaign. >> the romney campaign looks at this as very, very important tonight, they recognize this is the biggest opportunity for him to introduce himself to the country. they don't know hillary. this is the time for him to introduce himself. people don't know mitt romney. and we live in a very distracted age where everybody has ipads, ipods, blueberries, they have stuff in their ear. >> oh, i'm sorry. i'm sorry. all right. all right.
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.. >> all right. what is that? what is that? yeah, no. hold on. can you hold on? i have another call. hold on. hello? hello? yes? uh-huh. uh-huh. you have got what? i have got -- i have got a what in my ear? you have to speak up yavment hear you i have a banana in my ear. hmm, hmm, hmm. >> that got in there. >> i will call you back. but papa bear has got a point. these electronic gadgets that we all have now -- they give us -- they give us information 24/7, no matter where we are, and it has made it impossible for us to know who this guy is. i want to say let's -- anyway,
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whoever he is, he needs to introduce himself to america again. sure we met him briefly at the republican convention, during the primaries, during the 2008 primaries, and when he was governor of massachusetts, but he just won't stick. he is like that guy at the party you have seen a million times but you can't remember his name. that's why he trails not only obama in the polls but also what is going on buying guy and hey, there, chief. with what is going on big guy? >> i can't. i told you i would call. >> and he is behind despite his inspiring populist message, vote for me, you parasites. luckily, luckily, washington
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post columnist and ventriloquist knows why obama is ahead, righting the nation which is reluctant to declare a president a failure is especially reluctant to give up on the first african-american president. yes. somebody had to say it, the president is only winning because he is black. i have always said, our system is rigged in favor of african-americans. now, i am not going to win an knapp award, naok, naacp award r saying this but black people in this country have gotten one free ride after another, starting with the first one, and let me -- it is true! it is true! >> okay, let me ask the white people. okay, let me ask the white people. i believe there might be one or all of them in my audience,
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right? has a black person ever thanked you for freeing the slaves? when i walked up to african-americans on the street and say, you're welcome, they don't even know what i am talking about. it is like we don't teach it in the schools anymore. the point is, americans are afraid to fire barack obama because of white guilt. and we have got to free ourselves from it as george well writes in his contractually mandated expended baseball analogy, quote, a significant date in the nation's civil rights progress was october 3rd, 1974, when frank robinson was hired by the cleveland indians as the major league's first black manager, but even more important milestone of progress occurred june 19th, 1977 when the indians fired him, that was color blind equality, another racial barrier had fallen. folks, i have long appreciated the deep relation voir of racial sensitivity that is the cleveland indians.
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.. me have em dream. >> and george is right. nothing says racial progress like firing a black person. i mean, this article is a masterful piece of political post racial journalism by an intellectual titan. it pains me to say that george really screwed the pooch on this one. george, you can't just write a column saying the only reason white people are still voting for barack obama is because he is black. because if you could, my aunt rita would be writing your
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column, and let me tell you, she has got some pulitzer prize winning opinions about the greeks. no, there are far more delicate ways to bring up obama's race. it is a very improbable and exotic life, because he was raised very different from yours and i think actually very different from most americans world view. we have a very, very urban senator, barack obama. >> i am assuming there is some rhythm to barack obama that the rest of us don't understand. >> see? you can remind people obama is black without offending those who, let's say, tend not to own nhl teams. those kind of sensitive code words are just journalism 101, this guy just doesn't know how to do his job, and yet the washington post keeps him year after year. i don't -- oh, my god.
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there is only one explanation. george will is black! i never noticed. but now you mentioned it with that bow tie he could be nation of islam. , you know, i didn't see it because i don't see race, not even my own. people tell me i am white and i believe them, because i think the chronic refers to lower back pain, the washington post, i call on you to end the subtle racism of lowered expectations you have committed by keeping african-american pioneer george will on your payroll. fire this man! it would be a true blow to civil rights! we -xarar!( ,-x0',x3p .bb
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>> colbert: welcome back, everybody. thank you so much. i do my best year after year trying to stay healthy. every year, i don't just get my prostate checked, i get it checkmated. >> and my apologies to gary cass par i don't have, again i will pay for your dry cleaning. this is cheating death with dr. stephen colbert, dfa.
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.. >> first up, a disclaimer, i am not a medical doctor. i have an honorary doctorate in fine arts, meaning i can't cure your dermatitis but i can treat you for apple face. as always, cheating death himself, brought to you by prescott pharmaceuticals, prescott, go towards the light. tonight, hormone health. >> grrrr! folks, for the last 15 years i have been in my mid 30s but older fellows know that when you hit a certain age you lose that spark and your sex drive goes from i will tag anything that moves to maybe tomorrow, i just ate a burrito. the reason is that as men age their testosterone levels drop, but thankfully, pharmaceutical
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marketers have the answer. >> millions of men 45 and older just don't feel like they used to. >> remember when you had more energy for 18 holes with your buddies? more passion for the one you love? more fun with your family and friends? it could be an easily treatable condition called low t. >> another side sign you have low t, your shadow still enjoys disco. now, just how serious is low t? >> so what is normal for what age? the average 20-year-old testosterone levels can reach as high as 1,080 but as you age the levels drop without drugs, by age 60 the average high is only 720. >> colbert: 720? folks, the numbers don't lie. or explain anything about what they mean. thankfully, middle age men now have a way to feel inappropriately good about themselves. >> he has transformed himself
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into a younger man, 30 pounds of fat, gone. and muscle, bulging muscles. >> honestly i like to look at myself in the mirror because i look freaking awesome. >> colbert: clearly testosterone makes you look freaking awesome, or drastically lowers your freaking standards. and as this attractive lady, doctor knows there is probably no down side to artificially super charging your endo crine system. >> yo if your levels are low and bring you back to a normal level or optimal level you are leveling the play field. >> colbert: yeah, you are just leveling the playing field and if i only answer in rhetorical questions, can't i, you know, not get sued for malpractice? of course, not everybody wants
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you to look fricking awe some. >> right now we don't have guidance in the medical research that suggests it is safe to stay at those levels. >> colbert: whatever, dr. low t, maybe if your hormones were jacked through the roof you would have the balls to jam needles into peoples in exclusive clinical trials! [ cheers and applause ] >> colbert: what could possibly go wrong? >> there are serious possible side effects of too much testosterone. blood clots, liver damage and some doctors are concerned about its impact on prostate cancer. >> colbert: i was watching those disastrous, instead of listening to those warnings i was checking out his muscles. >> colbert: we need to balance them out with some lady juice. that's why prescott is proud to
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introduce testosterin which is testosterone and estrogen. folks, with lots of this stuff you will not only have six-pack abs you will have double d breasts. you will never be lonely again. side effects of this may include sickening and enlargening of the heart and a hideous portrait in the attic that ages as you stay young. >> that is so much for pharmaceutical, look for our display in the bodies exhibit. until next time, i will see you in hell!
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>> colbert: welcome back, everybody. my guest tonight is a country music legend, who has written a memoir luck or something like it. this is going to be a great interview. or something like it. please welcome kenny rogers! [ cheers and applause ] >> colbert: sit down. nice to see you again.
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all right. i am an enormous fan. >> thank you. >> colbert: you are one of the best selling artists of all-time, 65 albums. 120 million albums sold worldwide, three grammys, a pulitzer, a nobel, everything. you have got a hit in each of the last six decades, number eight best selling male vocal artist of all times! bruce springsteen is number seven and neil diamond at number 9. how does that work? do you get to tell neil diamond what to do? >> he works for me. >> colbert: he works for you. neal, get my shoes. >> springsteen calls you and says, kenny bring my car around. >> i have to go get his car. >> colbert: now, you have got a new book called luck or something like it. >> yeah. >> colbert: a memoir.
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okay. worldwide crossover country, ultimate actor, five miniseries worked based on one song, the gambler alone, why going into a dying industry like publishing? especially the same week that my book america again -- you have got to get that. what do you mean luck or something like it? was your career luck or hard work or something like that. >> it was luck. i started in jazz. i was in a jazz group. >> colbert:. >> it is so true. i have been there and to be able to ego to that to country overnight and from christi mitchell to the first edition overnight. >> colbert: first edition is when i got to know you. that was rock, baby doll. >> i know you liked it. >> colbert: i just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> colbert: that's a great song. >> that is the one that got me. tell it all, bro, i don't even know that song anymore. >> colbert: one woman up there is willing to lie. it is a great song. >> it is a great song. >> colbert: ruby, don't take your love to town. it is a heartwarming -- it is a heartwarming story of a paralyzed vietnam vet who wants to kill his wife with a shotgun. but you sing along with him. >> i wrote a bunch of those. coward of the country it is about a rape but has a sing along tune to it. nobody can make a feel good rape stopping! whoa! also you find time to leave me a lucille, he is a whore. >> three is a whore. >> he is a whore.
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>> she is off with the first cowboy you find. >> i know. >> colbert: you are a terrible personal. i didn't realize that. >> i sing about terrible person. the gambler. >> the gambler is one of the best known country songs of all-time, huge hit around the world, i mean, five miniseries about one song! >> colbert: you are the gambler. you have to know when you hold them, know when to fold them. >> know when to walk away. >> colbert: know when to run. that is good advice but at no point in the song do you say when that is to hold them or fold them, why do you leave out the details in a song about how to play poker? >> personal interpretation. >> colbert: really? is it a metaphor? >> it is a metaphor. >> colbert: what is the song a metaphor of? >> i have no idea. >> colbert: but it is a metaphor. >> it is and i will stan stand r that. i just don't know what it is a metaphor for. >> colbert: it is a metaphor -- it is a metaphor, my friend,
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it is a metaphor for whatever the sixth miniseries is about. and now you also -- you also did, of course, the great islands in the stream, dolly parton, and dolly pardon, giant. [ cheers and applause ] >> colbert: also country music giant. how long do you guys work together? >> over two years. >> colbert: okay. kenny -- >> i have a feeling -- >> colbert: you and dolly -- >> stephen -- >> colbert: anything? anything? >> no. >> colbert: can i take that as a yes? >> it is a metaphor. >> colbert: and you also worked with lionel ritchey how long did you work with hill. >> on and off for two years. >> colbert: kenny? just trying to sell some books, man, i am just trying to sell some books. we danced one time and that was it. >> colbert: the book is luck or something like it. the great kenny rogers. thank you so much for joining us.
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>> colbert: we will be right back. -xarar!( ,-x0',x3p .bb
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>> colbert: that's it. good night!

tv
The Colbert Report
Comedy Central October 4, 2012 7:00pm-7:30pm PDT

Kenny Rogers News/Business. Kenny Rogers. (2012) Musician and author Kenny Rogers. (CC)

TOPIC FREQUENCY Colbert 8, Us 6, Obama 4, Barack Obama 3, Kenny Rogers 3, Prescott 3, Kenny 2, America 2, Washington 2, Xarar 2, Neal 1, Apple Face 1, Washington Post 1, Dfa 1, Ruby 1, Obama 's Race 1, Vagina 1, Cleveland Indians 1, Indians 1, Naacp 1
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